?

Log in

Flavored Days

Things don't taste as good when I have a busy life.

One month of break I got back home to family. While helping out on my sister's preperation for her wedding, my mind went thinking of what I really want to do in life but En Zo and Callie never fail to make me feel alone at home. And with the tv and internet at home, I never seem to be free to think. Nevertheless, I always know what I don't want to do. 

Got a call from some unknown company asking if I am interested to get a job as an Admin, I rejected immediately. Few weeks later, I got a call again, telling me that they haven't found a suitable candidate. I was slowly persuaded to undergo a phone interview. Indeed, I went through it then they told me to go for a second interview. To travel up to KL for a job that I don't quite want is a huge reluctance. But my positivity says that I should go and have a look as I have not clearly understand the job position and its scope. 

When life is unprogressive, tiny problems and decisions are as if trains rushing towards you and it is going to crash on you before you know to think of a solution. I told my family and friends about this dilemma-to-go-for-an-interview-when-it's-actually-a-simple-decision, they where there to stand by me. Just when I thought that everybody wants me to work for money, they consoled me by saying otherwise. 

My trip home this time changes my mind and slowly come to understand what family means. Though unproductive, I feel the flavors in friends and family relationship. I strongly agree as the Chinese proverb says 'Every family has it's very own bible'. It used to be frustrating when they try to make decisions for you but becomes and ease when you need one. It used to be anger when they try to tell you what you're doing is wrong but they can't stop you for doing what you want because they are simply supportive. Often like a typical famy that doesn't have an inner discussions about life, their words might sound wrong to you and that's because they don't know how to show you the right manner. I like how Jeanette says it 'Your family can make 9 wrongs but 1 right will be the rightest of all'. 

Last night En Zo and I were sitting on a couch watching the TV. He acted like nobody's talking when he was told to go and bath. 

Me      : En Zo, go and bath. I'll wait for you here then we will watch cartoons.
En Zo : (Acts like nobody's talking)
Me      : Be good and hurry now. 
En Zo : (No response) 
Me      : I'm leaving to somewhere far tomorrow to work for a long, long time.
En Zo : (Turns to me) Ha? Go where?
Me      : To work. Somewhere far, far away. I will only come back after a long while.
En Zo : (Turns to the TV)

A few seconds later, En Zo grabbed a pillow, placed on my lap and sleeps on me. And said nothing.


One thing for sure is that Admin is not a job I want, my friends said 'I can't imagine Ley-Lynn working as an... admin???'. But as supportive as they are, our conversations ended with 'Do what you want to do until you know that you're not feeling right about it'. 

Let it down or let it out

 Just like what was sung: 

We're young enough to say
This gotta be a good life, good life. 

It's my so far top favorite in the past two months cos this song makes me feel like flying to see the world again and reminds me of my travel times that I wish it has never ended. 

So I'm back from travelling for 7 months and I am still depressed with my future plans. However, not knowing what to do isn't as shitty as not knowing what to tell those nosey neighbors trying to find out how much I'm earning monthly. The question is, I don't even understand why I have to report to everyone on what I have done, doing and will be doing. I don't live for you. I live for myself. 

For the past 7 months, I was doing my internship in a Chinese based production house and I'm glad to be in here for my colleagues living in young hearts- they made me felt adventurous in a way. As I'm a handicapped in Chinese, reading and writing Chinese soon becomes my difficulty that I've decided to leave before I turn out to be the company's burden. 

So my last day at work would be 15th next month and what's next is yet to be figured out-also something that I've been depressed on.My friend told me to go back to writing and I was like, have I ever been there? But she was the spark to make me blog again. Thank, Stephanie for reminding me that I once had readers before =)

On the other hand, I'm slowly letting myself out to be who I really am and at the same time requesting the society to give me some respect. If you don't know what I mean, someday you will. It takes time. Someone also said that I should write about it, recording the time and changes in me.

Enzo and Callie are growing to be cuter than before and I love them to bits! 
 
As mentioned in previous post earlier this year, I've found my long lost passion so I picked up guitar again lately- trying to play well again. It's probably the only thing that keeps me off from thinking nonsense and be emo. 
 
Next, friends. I've moved out from Cheras where most of my friends stay but I do stay with them over the weekend whenever I can and it's lovely to go back there and feel home again. Angeline's living a good life in the US so I haven't gotten any good laugh over crappy lame jokes like she used to come up with. Mei Cher's gone to Seoul to further her studies, I am proud of both the girls for taking the step which most of us want but only dream and never really do it. 
 
Love? More like, I've lost them. 
 
Oh the words to song above was Good Life by One Republic. 

Tags:

Hey 2011, you're tasteless.

If you haven't seen me blogging for a long time, that's because I'm going through stuffs that are not worth living in memories or
 I'm just too depressed to go on. 

Friggin' Malaysia, I'm ready to leave.

Two more weeks to go 2010's gone. Am not anticipating for 2011 like always but I'm really glad for what I've been through for the past 11 months. Obviously Work and Travel USA becomes the greatest achievement of my life which changes my mindset and probably the rest of my 60 years. I always thought that change is my biggest fear but five months of living apart from everyone lets me learn to be a stronger girl. And three weeks of travelling opens up my mind. Change has become my permanence and I'm loving it. Travelling is never enough for me and I will never stop. 

Coming back home, I see my life shrinking and that I am having less freedom, which is not a good sign. The transportation in KL is killing me already. I have to move to cousin's house for the next four months for my internship at Puchong since it's just five minutes drive away. If I'd ever leave this place, I'd definitely blame it on the inefficiency of our public transports which cause us for not having enough to survive even when the pay is RM3000. Ask any local and you would know what I mean. I'm too tired to talk about it anymore.

So wave goodbye to 2010, I'm glad that I survived. Lots of joy and pain, pride and sorrow but it's always all these that makes me grow.  Life is always like a roller coaster. I am 23 and I love being single at this age. I enjoy every second of it tho' sometimes it can be undeniable lonely. Maybe I'm born on 23rd April, that number somehow makes me feel better every time I recall of my age and my relationship  status. It's a total freedom to do what I want to do and be what I want to be.  Some people think that I don't plan for my future which is true but what's there to plan for my future if everybody lives the same pattern of life? In the end you're just another follower living someone else's life. 

I like to do random  things, different things from the others - You should know this already if you really know me. Being happy is my key of life. Being secured IS NOT. I never agree on the creation of insurance and I would choose not to buy it if I ever have a choice. I'd rather spend RM100,000 doing things that I want to do than paying for 50% of insurance policies which I thought I'd die of those illness.   

Yes, I care about freedom and that is how much I love myself. Duties to pay? I've got no lovers and I respect every friend that I have, every decision that they make. I try to be the best employee or at least intern by thinking what's best for the company. I am a daughter and aunt but I don't have to tell my family how much I love them by being the way they want me to be.  And I'd really appreciate everyone who loves me for who I am.
 

The world is big. And I am ready to leave anytime. 

PS: Recently, I've fall in love with music again. Been playing the guitar, listening to my old time favs from the 90's, finding today's alternative music that suits me. On the past few weeks I got to know a few friends who's into music as much as I was before. They recommended me new music and I finally found music again. I remembered how passionate I could be listening to songs - I would pause and play, rewind and forward it, listen to it over and over again just to get the words, I was too young and innocent to learn about the internet at that time. When I learned to play the guitar, I would sit in front of the music player just to figure to fret out the tunes for hours and hours. Now I know why I didn't have many close friends when I was in primary up to secondary school. Sorry that I left you for distraction but at least I know I've lost and found you back.

FAQ after Work and Travel

After the death of my ex compaq, Ipod was pretty much the only device that allowed me to go online when I traveled around the US. I've recently bought a new Acer Timeline X and am proud of its feature. The model 4820TG comes with 2GB DDR3 Memory and 640GB HDD, and i5 processor and the best thing according to my friend is its 1GB graphic card by Ati Radeon! I've been eyeing on this laptop since July and I like it very much for its battery lifetime and its lightweight of 2.2kg. Okey, you can get the brochure from Acer and I don't earn any commission if someone buys after reading this so no point explaining. 

What's new in life? Oh, I've been answering the typical questions from everyone and so I have decided to post some FAQ here.

1. How was the United States? 

Awesome. 

2. Was it fun/ did you like it?

Yeah, it's an experience.

3. Did you earn back what you have spent?
(Hate this question because I don't know what are they trying to compare, experience versus money? Unrealistic.)
I spent RM7000 to go and earned like $4000 but spent half of it travelling and souvenirs for three weeks. Do the math yourself if you really want to know. 

4. What did you work as? 

Read my previous posts, idiot.

5. Was your work fun?

Work is work, fun could be in work if you know how to stay positive. 

6. Where did you work?

In a restaurant of a lodge.

7. Which state were you at?

California.

And they usually ended it with "Ohh..." and walked away. People, I guess I need more in-depth questions if you really want me to tell my experience. 

Another set of interview is about my future. 

1. So what are you going to do now that you're back?

My internship starts on January.

2. I thought you're done with studies.

Internship is my last subject and it is a non-academic subject. Internship is also known as practical or training. It's basically working in companies with lesser pay. I have to explain this clearly since I've encountered so many people who ask Question 1 and ask about irrelevant questions.

3. So how long is your internship?

Four freaking months. 

3. What industry are you going into... What are you studying actually?

I want an internship in the production and broadcasting line and I refuse to answer the second question. It should be asked since the dinosaur age. 

4. Have you found a company, then?
Basically, nope. 

5. When exactly are you graduating, it's been forever since you're in college.

Graduating after internship is done and convocation on July. I'm in a freaking university and I love being there, why do you care? 

I hope the questions above answers things that you want to know. If you feel that my answers are pretty empty, you should start questioning your questions too. Of course, I'd tell you more if you have other questions for me but the ones I posted above are asked by those who want to know just for the sake to know.  

Tags:

Yes, I'm glad.

If you ask me what's the first thing I'll do when I go back to malaysia, I say, I will literally kiss the ground of Malaysia because I'm glad to be home again! There's soooo many things I want to do. For those who know me well enough, I am not a big food fan but working in the kitchen every day, I want to eat Bak Kut Teh in Subang, Steamboat, Alibaba's nasi lemak and sometimes I even dream of Hexi Chicken Rice nearby my university in the middle of the night. On top of that, I want to go and sing karaoke( I've been listening and practising Chinese songs since I got here, which is quite ironic to myself.) and watch all the movies... ALL. The movie tickets here could buy you a PDI Polo-T in Malaysia. The only movie I watched was Inception which is quite tiring if you're watching it after 8 hours of work, 4 hours of travelling. I want to meet so many people! I want my good ol' days in KL!
 
My friends! I missed birthdays celebration, their convocation, festival celebrations, nights out, gossips, worries and happiness... But I'm glad for having facebook. It really keeps me closer to those that I was close to, keep me connected with those that I failed to stay close with. This afternoon I logged into facebook and started reading everybody's statuses. I read of Wai Ting's complaint about audience who kicked her seat for two hours in the cinema, I smiled. I watched Tiffany's face on a local music video, I dropped my jaw (and proud of her, of course). I saw Evon and Vincent's picture on graduation, I recalled how far they've come.. how far everyone has come. I saw Mei Cher's post, Bernice's picture, Bee's birthday... everybody finally grow up but you guys still stay cute in my memory. Remember the 'graduation' song that we always used to sing and imagine how we would really be? =)

Like I noted, the past month was like hell for me. Now I realised that it's just a phase that everybody here would go through. First, it was me and Beckie. She was sick of this place. I was depressed but don't know why. Now we're just less than a month to go and Minh and Kathy is starting to undergo the phase. Nonetheless, I have no regrets for joining this program. It shows me things that I can't see in myself after living for twenty three years. Self realisation, they call it. And I know I'm among the lucky ones that have the opportunity to join this program.

After all, it is really time that matters. Time will come and bring you trouble then they sweep you away with joy.


And I'm finally sick.

These days haven't been good. Living away from your loved ones, the only thing you could do is to care, or not care about them at all. People come to this world, people go from this world. If only those words is expressed as easy as 'People born, live and gone from this world'. The feelings are so undescribable when you really lose someone all of a sudden and all you could do is feel and watch them go from afar. Deaths, one of the darkest thing people would want to encounter. Nope, I haven't been feeling fine lately. Got kinda emo and depressed over death, loss, and confused over future. So much to think of, so fearful to think of because the days ahead is going to be rest of your life and you're going to walk alone.

Apart from emotion breakdown, I got caught by flu and sore throat for the past two days. And I'm still sick but I'm glad of it. Finally, something is proving to me that NOTHING IS ALL RIGHT, NOTHING IS FINE.

Just getting tired of telling myself that the world is still hopeful. I feel so jaded :(


K.O.N.G.

This is a sad piece of news to notify everybody that Ley-Lynn's two-and-a-half-year-old Compaq Persario V3000 has been declared to be a vegetarian for life. Its upper part of body is paralysed and its eyes can no longer view a single thing, according to Dr. Jovan, a friend of Ley-Lynn who studies in Computer Science.

Currently, the owner is undergoing some emotional breakdown for its unfornate event which could not be saved much as they are both not in Malaysia. The hospital has insufficient fund to buy a cable to plug in to another monitor. If there is a cable, we may be able to find out if it really is the problem of screen or motherboard. Again, that is according to another expert, Jimmy - her cousin. However, Ley-Lynn is optimistic enough to think that if it never dies, she will never get a new one. She is also considering to get a new one when she gets back and of course, she will bring the vegetarian home with her and see what she can do with it.

Ley-Lynn would express her relief if the problem is only with the screen as all her pictures for Work and Travel is in C drive rather than D. In the folder, it contains precious clips that is yet to be edited into a video. Now, Ley-Lynn might have to start all over from scratch. While laptop is one of the essential electronic items in life, Minh, Ley-Lynn's understanding friend who was her classmate and currently working in the same lodge as her, always let her have her new netbook. Now Ley-Lynn feels blessed to have a friend like Minh to be here when she needs her the most.

Hence, Ley-Lynn might not be able to go online as often as possible, nor blog anytime she likes. If you wish to send your condolences, she is still available on her facebook, email, msn or skype. She appreciates your grief. In any case, if you wish to show your support to stand by her in monetary form, you could also send her a messge. We're flexible in accepting cash or credit card.To avoid any disturbance or hacking of account, contact us so we can send you more information. On top of that, you could also send her a useable 2nd hand laptop or buy her a whole new one.


Tags:

Random Pick-up : Loss and appreciation

A man walked in our restaurant yesterday for dinner.. very old man. so my friend served him. he was sitting in front of an old couple. Then he started crying. So my friend walked to him...

 

Kathy : What's wrong? Why are you crying?

Old Man : Oh it's nothing. The cane (Pointing at the walking stick lying beside the woman) reminds me of my partner. My partner passed away last week.

Kathy : Oh my goddness... Do you have any children?

Old Man : No, my partner was a male.

Kathy : Oh I'm sorry for your loss.

Old Man : We've been together for 54 years.

 

Part of my shock went to the man's second response but more goes to the last sentence. Living with someone for five years is not easy, what more half a century? Now I really believe that true love waits - you just have to learn to not to be bored with each other, live up the freshness, go through life adventures and appreciate love and forgiveness. Ain't easy but that's how far the old man and his partner stood.

I saw it, but I miss out.

So my job as a waitress has been going on for a week - I mainly serve during dinners only. Last Sunday, we were told to work for brunch. Tables were full for reservations but our boss tried to give rooms for those who hadn't done any reservations. It was a very busy morning to start with. When I gave the bill to a family of three, the son insisted to pay and pushed his dad's hand away from taking out his wallet.

"Don't worry about it dad, it's on me. It's father's day." the son seems to be like around 20s and had his sunglasses on - I never liked people wears it because they look very unfriendly and arrogant. So I smiled as I put down the bill and walked away.

A few minutes later came another guy with sunglasses on and a walking stick. He sat down, and I was too busy to bother about him. Soon, he was accompanied by an old man - I figured that he's the dad. I went to them to get their order. I remember the young man wanted a cup of coffee. The old man asked for a glass of sparkling cider. When they were ready to pay, young man insisted that he wanted to pay as it's father's day. He touched on the table, searching for the paper so he could sign for his card. I know he tried to write it on the line but it eventually slide down. The old man watched his blind son signing on the bill of father's day brunch. After the bill, they went away and I collected the plates. I saw the old man took the walking stick and held his son's hand as he led the rocky road. They walked so slowly but they were smiling.

Then I came across this table of four in a family. Parents, a son and a daughter studying in University - I overheard the conversation. The 20-year-old daughter has tattoos all over her left hand and I was shocked to see it as she took off her jacket because she doesn't look like one who would want tattoo - it doesn't go along with her appearance at all. I went and serve them a couple times and realized how lovely the family are. They joked around, the son patted on his father's shoulder laughing, they ordered their food like they know each other so well.  Their food came up late but nobody was complaining. I made the wrong order for the girl and she had to wait for 45minutes but she wasn't complaining - I was so sorry. Instead she said, 'No, don't be sorry. It's no big deal." And she smiled broadly to me.

It was a bright Sunday and I loved the simple short stories I saw that day. Could this be a father's day celebration that everybody looks like they live in a happy family? Then I realised that I hadn't called home to say 'Happy Father's Day'. And when I wanted to do so, it's too late for the next day in Malaysia already. I saw children bringing out presents for dads. Saw them hugging their father. Seeing them, I actually miss my dad, after living twenty three years of my life.

I recalled on the latest phone call I talked to my mom, she said that my dad thought that I am here for internship and he doesn't know what I'm doing here. She wanted me to explain to dad on my own. Living in a typical Chinese family where we were/should born to know each other, I never really talk to my dad - and it's so hard to explain to him when he misunderstands what I'm doing in life, it's even harder to say "I'm sorry dad, I'm late but Happy Father's Day" when you really want to.